


Met You in the Summer

by yellowcurtqins



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Cuddling, First Kisses, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Ice Cream, M/M, Nicknames, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, TJ's mom died, aged 16/17, almost kisses, cyrus lives in shadyside, im so bad at tagging, single dad, the kippens have a lil sister, they met at camp, tj lives in new york
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-06-30 12:29:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19853212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowcurtqins/pseuds/yellowcurtqins
Summary: Cyrus and TJ met at camp two years ago. Now, Cyrus is going on a road trip to see his best friend, who he definitely does NOT have a crush on. What could possibly happen?





	1. PROLOGUE

**Author's Note:**

> HI THIS IS MY FIRST CHAPTERED FIC FORGIVE ME

Summer. That’s when I met him, when I first saw TJ Kippen. We were at camp in New York. He was playing basketball, or rather, crushing his friend in a game of basketball. I saw him from the pathway, and I was immediately drawn to the sidelines of the game. I watched him, although I was mostly just staring at the flex of his muscles as he moved them. I didn’t know what he was doing, but he seemed to, and that was the important part.

I didn’t expect him to notice me. I expected the moment to go the way all the others went, where he just walked past me and I pretended it didn’t sting to go unnoticed. He surprised me that day, the moment he walked up to me beside that court. He had this look on his face, this smirk across his lips as they moved. 

“You play?” It took me a second to realize that, yes, this cute boy was talking to me. I shook my head frantically, as I had no idea what even the basics of his sport were.

“No, I have absolutely no idea how to play most sports,” I stated, clamping my mouth shut in embarrassment. He just smiled. 

“I’ll teach you, dude.” And then, something insane happened. He winked at me. He WINKED at me. This cute boy closed one eye in my direction. If I remember correctly, my mouth watered at the sight. ‘Say no,’ I urged myself. My mouth disagreed. 

“Sure, Basketball Guy.”

He went easy on me. He taught me to dribble, to pass the ball, to shoot. I had a little trouble with the last part. He adjusted my hands, and I may have died on the spot. Not that I liked him. I didn’t. After maybe an hour, he let me win.

“Yes!” I screamed, “The Underdog wins!”

He calls me Underdog now.


	2. I. YOUR EYES ARE FIREFLIES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After almost two years apart from his best friend, Cyrus receives some news from his mother, and later finds himself in one of his frequent all-day facetimes with TJ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY THIS IS BAD I TRIED

Seven hundred twenty-three days. Seven Hundred twenty-three days since I last saw him, last touched him. Now, there are seven days until we reach the two year mark without each other, and all I wanna do is see him again. 

I mean, we FaceTime every day, but there’s something so beautiful, so different about his smile in person. It’s in the way his lips curve, in the way they part gently when he laughs, in the way you can see just how soft they are from the Burt’s Bees chapstick he’s so addicted to. In person, his smile is almost angelic. 

Not that I spend any time thinking about TJ Kippen’s smile. Uh, not that I don’t want to see him smile. I’m not saying that I care. I mean, I do, but—never mind. The point is, I do not like TJ. I know what you’re thinking; stop thinking it. He’s my best friend, and I wanna see him again. That’s all I’m trying to say. 

My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on my bedroom door, tearing my eyes away from a picture on the wall, one I got of TJ on the last day of camp when my mom handed me my phone. He’s wearing my white hoodie. It’s beautiful on him. 

“Cyrus?” Oh, right. I have company. 

“Yeah?” I call to whoever is at the door.

“Honey, can you come downstairs with me? Todd and I want to talk to you.” Shit. Did I do something? Unlikely. I’ve done, like, 3 things in my life, so that’s probably not it. I have no idea what they want to talk to me about, anxiety making its way up my back like a spider. I clear my throat nervously.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Oh, no, sweetie. Come downstairs.” I let out a sigh of relief, standing up as the breath tickles my lips. I walk downstairs, taking a seat on the couch across from my mom and step-dad. Todd’s face is almost completely neutral, but my mom is easier to read. Her eyes seem mischievous, as if she’s trying to hide something. They make brief eye-contact, and Todd speaks up.

“So, Cy, your mother and I know that you’ve been wanting to see someone for a long time now…” What? They can’t be talking about TJ. Are they taking me to a concert? My mom notices the confusion on my face, a wide smile breaking across her lips. 

“You and I are going on a road trip to New York. We leave in three days, and we’ll arrive at TJ’s house on Sunday. He already knows, so go talk to your friend.” I jump up, unable to contain the grin on my face. It almost feels unreal, as if the idea of seeing TJ after two years without him is utterly impossible. I turn to my mom.

“Really?!” 

“Of course!” I run for my parents, letting myself be enveloped in a group hug. I snuggle into it, their warm radiating through their shirts. I can feel my mom’s smile at my reaction against my shoulder. I’m giddy as rushed “thank you”’s and “I love you”’s escape my mouth, falling into the hug. I let go, smiling as I run upstairs to talk to the boy I’ve been waiting to see for so long.

As if on cue, my phone is ringing when I reach my bed. My lips curve up slightly as I read the name on the screen, my thumb swiping across the bottom to answer the FaceTime. I’m greeted by a loud “hey!”and the face of my favorite basketball player.

“Hey, Teej! Did you hear, please tell me you heard!” A giggle escapes my mouth as the blonde breaks out in a boyish smile. 

“I can’t wait to see you. I miss you so much, jeez.” I duck my head, a blush creeping across my cheeks. I mean… yeah, no, I’m blushing. But, I don’t like him.

“I miss you too,” I say, my voice soft. I hope he can’t somehow hear the redness of my cheeks. 

“I’m not gonna be able to wait. Why can’t you just teleport over right now?” there’s laughter in his voice. It’s as if he’s trying to kill me. 

“I wish,” I reply, chuckling. 

We’re silent for a moment, just looking at our screens. I take in the view. He’s wearing his glasses, reminding me of the moments at Camp Keuka when he would place his glasses gently on the bridge of my nose, smiling gently as I adjusted them. 

His hair is ungelled, the way he wore it at camp, the way he refuses to wear it during the school year, the way I keep telling him to wear it. I remember how soft it was when I last combed my fingers through it. I wonder if it’s still that soft. 

His summer freckles are back, dotting across his face as if someone sprinkled the rays of the sun onto his cheeks and his nose. He’s wearing a white hoodie, the one I lent him during the final campfire on our last night at camp. White looks good on him. In a platonic way, I mean. Completely, 100% platonic. I stare at him as he rests his head on his pillow, a soft smile decorating his mouth. 

He clears his throat, breaking the moment. I pry my eyes from him, looking around my bedroom before letting my pupils trail back to the jock. After a minute, I allow myself to speak. 

“So…” I bite my cheek, thinking of what to say. I open my mouth as it comes to me. “We should let everyone know what’s going on. With the trip, I mean.”

“Good idea, Cy.” He agrees, picking up his computer and dropping it onto his bed. I grab mine, and we set off to post the news on snapchat, twitter, our finstas, basically any social media app ever. I send out some texts to my best friends, mostly consisting of emojis and keyboard smashes. 

Of course, they all begin to tease me about the boy. I shut them down, or at least, I try to. Sighing, I leave the iMessage app, returning to the FaceTime. TJ is already on the screen, his eyebrows furrowing at me. 

“What’s on your mind, Underdog?” 

“Oh, nothing. I should start packing, wanna stay on FaceTime?” He grins at my invitation. 

“Yeah,” he responds, smiling at the ground. He looks back up at me. “I wanna.”

As I pack, we joke, we tease each other, we yell. At one point, I laugh so loudly that my mom comes upstairs to ask me if I’m okay, if I’m choking on something. That just makes TJ and I laugh harder, and if I wasn’t already on the floor, I would probably be falling over right now. 

We stay on the call for hours, bringing our dinners up to our rooms so we can keep talking. This is my favorite kind of call; the kind that lasts forever, when you still have things to talk about after you’ve basically written a book of stories in the ones you’ve told, when you feel as though you haven’t been bored in years. He’s the only one that I have those Facetimes with. He understands me. I am 100% myself with him. 

&&&

It’s been five hours. Five hours, and I’m still on the phone with TJ. I’ve been pretty much cackling for twenty minutes, and as much as I enjoy breathing, this feeling may be better. I watch through teary eyes as TJ clutches his stomach, almost wheezing. 

We’ve been taking deep breaths for minutes, trying to stop laughing. I bury my face in my pillow, exhaling. A smile reaches across my lips as I hear his laughter die down, fading into a giggle. I like his giggle. That doesn’t mean I like him. 

We’re simply staring again, dopey grins on our faces. I glance at the clock, doing a double take as I read the numbers. My mouth contorts into a look of slight panic as I turn back toward the camera. TJ is looking on in concern. 

“TJ, it’s 10:00pm!”

“It’s 11:00 for me, dude!” he says, a smirk lining his face. 

“My parents are gonna kill me if they find out!” He softens at my worry, opening his mouth to comfort me. 

“Hey, hey, no they won’t. They understand that we haven’t seen each other in a while. And, besides, if they were the type of parents to kill you for this, don’t you think you would’ve gotten in trouble for the other times?” Huh. That’s a fair argument.

“I mean, good point, but we have to go to sleep!” He pouts, and I can’t stop my heart from growing in my chest at the sight. I mimic him, and, luckily, it works. He nibbles at his bottom lip, nodding in surrender.

“Fine, but, can you stay on the phone with me?” My heart might burst as his hair falls gently across his forehead, the strands freely lying around. Even in the dark, his green eyes shine like fireflies. I can never fight him when he’s in his tired state, the most adorable state he can be in. Not that he’s adorable.

“Yes,” I whisper, letting myself fall back into my pillow. I lay on my side, propping up my phone, which is already plugged into my charger. I wait for him to lay down, smiling a tiny smile at him as he removes his glasses and sprawls across his bed, pulling his blankets up to his chin. He pulls up his hood, and it hits me; he’s wearing my hoodie to bed. If my heart wasn’t going to explode a few moments ago, it definitely is now. 

“I miss you,” he says almost inaudibly. I blush, although I’m going to say once again that my blush is completely platonic. “I can’t wait to see you again.”

“I miss you too, Teej.”

“I miss you more, Cyrus Goodman.”

“You couldn’t possibly, TJ Kippen.” a tiny chuckle pulls itself from his lips then, presenting itself to me as if it knows its effects.

“Goodnight, Underdog." 

“Goodnight, Basketball Guy. Sweet dreams,” I say.

“Sweet dreams,” he whispers back, his voice smooth and sweet as honey. I watch as his eyes flutter closed. He falls asleep in seconds. He looks beautiful, in a completely friendly way. After I drag my eyes from his face, the sound of his soft breathing lulls me to sleep rather quickly, sweeping me into dreams of New York, green eyes, and fireflies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING :) leave kudos & comments


	3. II. BE BOLD, BE BRAVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hi,” I say, out of breath as I tilt my head up so I can see his face. I can’t help but giggle at the tear that threatens to fall from his eyelashes. I move my hand gently, wiping it away with my thumb. With a low, quiet voice, he says, “I just missed you, Underdog.”
> 
> Cyrus gets some surprise wisdom from his mom, and sees someone he's been dying to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's kinda text-heavy. sue me.

The next few days pass in leaps, as if a grasshopper is jumping from one to the other in the sticky summer heat. I blink, and suddenly my eyes are fluttering open to the warm light of a Thursday sun floating through my blinds. I rub the sleep from my eyes, grabbing my phone from my nightstand. The corners of my lips quirk upward as a see TJ’s contact name on the screen. 

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: wake up sleepy head :)

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: But I’m tiredddddd

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: but i miss u n ur sleeping is keepin u from me :(

As hard as I try to keep my lips from twisting, a grin still finds its way onto my face. I stare up at the texts, a sheepish blush threatening to sneak onto my nose and cheeks. I think for a moment, weighing the options of what to text back. But, for the record, the fact that I care about what I text back 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 mean that I like TJ. I don’t.

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Are you sure you don’t just miss my compliments?

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: bitch wut compliments  
𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: u lit rally just attack me

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Shut-  
𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: I mean… ily you sweet wonderful boy 

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: ᵘʷᵘ oh frick ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ frick sorry guys ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ sorry im dropping ᵘʷᵘ my uwus all over the ᵘʷᵘ place ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ ᵘʷᵘ sorry

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: CONTROL YOUR UWUS

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: U CANT EXPECT ME TO WHEN U SAY THINGS LIKE THAT

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Hgisufoief you’re so soft What The Fuck

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: i am NOT  
𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: i’m a mean >:( scary >:( basketball >:( legend >:(

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: You’re a soft little bitch is what you are

I can practically hear his exaggerated gasp, can practically see him placing his hand on his chest, his mouth open “shock”. I chuckle at the thought, my smile turning fond. I had no idea what a 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘬 he would be when I met him. Sometimes, I almost find it endearing. Not that I think he’s endearing. Anyway—

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: if yk how i fEeL y wld u sAy ThAt-

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: It’s a part of my Mission To Eradicate The Straights [𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 2 𝘮𝘪𝘯. 𝘢𝘨𝘰]

𝘏𝘶𝘩. I watch as the three dots of TJ’s gray bubble appear, and disappear, and appear again. I wonder what that’s about. I know he’s not homophobic; he’s known I’m gay for, like, 6 months. Could he be… gay? I let out a hopeful breath, my heart beating around three times faster than usual. I mean, not that I hope he is. It’s not like I care. 

Quickly, I push the questions from my mind. He probably just had to talk to his dad. My phone pings, my thumbs moving at lightning speed to type in my iPhone password. My smile fades as I read over his words.

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: haha lmao

That’s weird. He never says “haha”. Did I do something? Did I say something? My thoughts are interrupted by another text from TJ. 

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: so when r u starting ur drive?

Weirder. I bite my lip nervously as I type a response.

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: I think in like an hour ?? I’ll ask  
𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Ye my mom says we’re going in 30 minutes lol

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: kk  
𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: get here fasterrrrrrrr

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Sorry, softie. No can do

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: pleathe for me pleathe *puppy eyes*

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: …  
𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: I’ll be there in five minutes.

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: yayyyyy!!1!11!!!1!

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Ok but fr I gotta go get ready

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: aw fine ily

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Ily2

I grab my airpods from the nightstand, placing them in my ears and pressing play on my iPhone. As Wallows plays, I set my phone and Airpod case down. I walk over to my closet, throwing open the wooden door. I pull out my comfiest shorts, throwing on the basketball hoodie I stole from him when he stole one of mine. It’s the softest sweatshirt I own, and I can’t help the sigh that escapes my lips as I snuggle into its warmth.

I loop the handle of my backpack onto my shoulder, shoving my electronics into my pocket. My eyes flit across the room, falling to my record player, my old pictures and my books. I take it all in as I inhale. I smile at a picture on my wall, in which TJ and I are hitting each other with shaving cream in the middle of Camp Keuka’s famous shaving cream battle. 

With a fond grin on my face, I turn to my door. I can’t wait to see this kid. I walk downstairs, glancing at the suitcases lined up by the front door. It strikes me once again how little time I have until I get to throw my arms around TJ, how little time until I can snuggle up to him like we used to during camp movie night. 

As I stroll into the kitchen, I see my mom and stepdad sitting at the island. They share a smile with each other, and then look at me. My mom speaks first.

“Hi, honey.”

“Hi, mom. Hey, Todd,” I say, excitement flooding my voice. 𝘛𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘴 .

“Hi, kiddo. You excited?” I look down, happiness painting itself across my face. I look back up.

“Maybe a little bit,” I reply, my mind wandering back to TJ, and his smile, and his eyes, and his little laugh—

“So, TJ; you like him?” I choke on air, watching as my mom chuckles.

“Todd, what? No. No, I don’t like him,” I sputter, my cheeks red. He smiles knowingly at me, and I open my mouth in horror as he 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘴 at me.

“Okay, Cyrus. Whatever you say. Just don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” 𝘖𝘩, 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘎𝘰𝘥 .

“Todd, you just turned my son into a tomato!” My mom laughs.

“You guys,” I whine. They simply look at each other before running over to capture me in a hug. 

“I hope you have so much fun, kiddo,” Todd says into the hug. “I’ll miss you guys.”

“We’ll see you soon, Todd,” I say.

“We’ll call at the hotel,” my mom promises. 

“Fine, I guess you can leave, if you’ll call me.” On that note, he walks out with us, loading up my mom’s minivan. We say our goodbyes, and start the four day journey. After connecting my music to the speakers, I type out a text to TJ, smiling it my phone. 

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: The voyage begins

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: kosdwkcbbbfia i miss u so muchhh  
𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: im,,, yelling,,, im so hyped 

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Same ugh I can’t wait  
𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Are you gonna keep me company on the road

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: whats in it for me ?? ;)

Did he just… wink? I feel heat collecting on my face, grinning as I get another text.

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: :)*

Oh. I try to hide the disappointment as it bubbles up on my lips. Why am I even disappointed? This is such a stupid thing to be upset about. I push the feelings back under the surface, replying to him.

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: I’ll send you cute pics I take during the trip 

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: ,,,,deal

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Softie

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: call me that,,,, oNE more time

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: sUGAR GAYYYYYY

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: i am NOT  
𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: call me sugar gay ONE MORE TIME, GOODMAN

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Sssssss

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: nO

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Sssssugggarrr ggggg

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: nO. NO.

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Sssssuuuugggaaarrr gggAAAAYYYYYY

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: i am NOT a sUGAR GAY  
𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: next time i see u its on SIGHT

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: What’s on sight? All the hugs you’ve been promising to give me for the past three days?

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: …  
𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: are my hugs threatening??

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Super

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: then absolutely

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: *gasps* 

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: r u scared

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Pffft no  
𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Shut your face

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: but i thot u wanted me to keep u company :’’(  
𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: ok underdog *sniffles* bye ig *cries into ur hoodie*

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Thats,,,gay

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: u say that as if ur not gay

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Well  
𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: You… got a point

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: i stay winnin  
𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: n e ways i gotta go to bball

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Ofc you do  
𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Ya fuckin jock

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: ,,,,i love u 2

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: I never-  
𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Fine ily bye

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: <3 bye

Well, that doesn’t seem very straight. I sigh, running my fingers through my brown hair as I smile out the window. 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦 𝘨𝘢𝘺? 𝘋𝘰 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘰? I don’t 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 to want him to, but I don’t think my heart cares very much about my opinion. God, I thought my crush had disappeared after camp. I guess I can’t pray away the gay. I shake my head, breaking apart my train of thought. 𝘐 𝘋𝘖 𝘕𝘖𝘛 𝘓𝘐𝘒𝘌 𝘛𝘑 𝘒𝘐𝘗𝘗𝘌𝘕. 𝘐 𝘊𝘈𝘕𝘕𝘖𝘛 𝘓𝘐𝘒𝘌 𝘛𝘑 𝘒𝘐𝘗𝘗𝘌𝘕 .

I close our texts, swiping through my phone until I reach Spotify. I smile as 𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘈𝘧𝘢𝘳 by Vance Joy plays into the car, and I try desperately not to think about TJ Kippen, or his stupid fluffy hair, or his dumb soft green eyes, or his annoyingly adorable—I mean, annoying—sweet, beautiful giggle—I mean, dammit, this is stupid, 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 . Whatever. 

And it certainly doesn’t mean anything when my I get a text, and my heart beats at a million miles a minute, and I deflate when I realize that it’s just Jonah. 

Because, I don’t like TJ Kippen.

&&&&&

The days of the trip go by, and I spend my hours listening to 1D, Troye Sivan, Kehlani, Wallows, in the car with my mom. We dance along to 𝘔𝘺 𝘔𝘺 𝘔𝘺! , sing to the notes of 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘉𝘦 𝘏𝘦𝘳𝘦 , yell the lyrics of 𝘓𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘍𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘒𝘪𝘴𝘴 , and I try to steer my thoughts away from how much my relationship with TJ 𝘵𝘰𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 resemble the last song. 

Because, I don’t want to be his last first kiss.

Because, I don’t wanna kiss him. 

Because, I 

Don’t have a

Crush on

TJ

Kippen.

I just don’t. I just can’t. 

&&&&&

In seconds, it’s Sunday morning, and I have three more hours until I get to see my best friend. My friend. And, no, my heart doesn’t sink when I call him my friend. Because, I don’t know how much clearer I can make this, I don’t like him.

I’m talking to my mom, the melody of 𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘉𝘦 𝘏𝘪𝘮? (ironic) travelling through the speakers. Of course, as a parent would do on the day their kid gets to see his best friend of two years, who he hasn’t seen for the entirety of that time, she brings up TJ. 

“Are you excited to see TJ? I know you two have been talking about visiting each other for a long time.” My mom watches me from the corner of her vision, smiling as my cheeks dust pink. Since when has the mention of his name made me blush? My lips curve upward, starting a tug-of-war with the muscles of my mouth, as I beg my tells to let me go a little bit longer without admitting to myself something that I think I already know. 

Through a shy smile, I say, “Yeah, Mom, I’m really excited! Thank you so much!”

Somehow, in the small portion of me that’s in her view, she can see every thought in my head, every thought I’m pushing away from it. She smirks to herself, the teasing look on her face already making me want to hide away. 

“So, TJ; is he more than a friend?” She chuckles to herself as I let out an over dramatic gasp, hiding things never having been a skill of mine. 

“W-why would you say that? Of course not,” I cough, although I’m not sure if it’s my mom or myself that I’m trying to convince. My palms become sweaty as I hold everything that I won’t let myself say, as my untold stories and unsang songs attempt to slip from my fingers. 

My mom sees the dust and the sand of the words I’m scared of letting out; her eyes give me pouch for the words I am not ready for, they urge me to let her hold some. I let a little bit of the dust fall.

“What if I want him to be?” I whisper, ducking my head nervously. I expect her to be upset, or maybe to cancel the visit “for the good of my innocence”. When I feel her hand cover mine, I know it will be alright. She speaks gently, her voice soft like a blanket. 

“You tell him, Cyrus.”

“I can’t.”

“And, why not?” she inquires, as if there are no risks in admitting this kind of thing.

“Because he’s straight, because he’s gorgeous, because he’s him, and I’m me, because it might get awkward, because he’ll hate me, because he’s the best part of every day and I don’t wanna ruin it.” I’m rambling and I know it, but I can’t stop because 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 . My thoughts are interrupted by the firm, gentle voice of my mom.

“I know it’s crazy and terrifying to be bold, I know. But, Cyrus, I’ve seen the way that boy looks at you when I say ‘hi’ over FaceTime, I’ve heard the joy in his voice when he talks to you, and I can’t place that in any other category than 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 . I truly believe that TJ loves you. I may be just an insane old woman, but even if that’s the case, I know one thing; that kid would never let anything ruin your relationship.” Huh. She’s right. I lean back in my seat, smiling at her. She looks over to me for a moment, returning the smile with gentle eyes. 

“Thanks, Mom,” I say softly. Who knew she could be so wise?

“Oh, and Cyrus?” 

I perk my head up. “Yeah, Mom?” 

“You know what Todd said; Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she says, winking at me. My face turns grows hot, a dark red creeping up my cheeks and onto my nose. 

“Mom!” 

“You know I had to.” 

“You really, really didn’t.” It’s true. She didn’t. 

“I did.” She’s laughing, and I can’t help but grin at the sight. 

“Mom,” I warn jokingly, my mouth still turned up at the corners. 

“Okay, okay,” she surrenders, continuing to chuckle. She grows serious for a minute. “You know I trust you, right, kiddo?” I nod from the passenger seat.

“Yeah, Mom, I do,” I reply, fiddling with the strings of 𝘛𝘑’𝘴? 𝘔𝘺? 𝘖𝘶𝘳? hoodie. “Thank you for this whole trip. It was really generous of you to get this plan together for me.”

“I love you, Cyrus.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

&&&&&

I laugh as Mom sings along to the words of 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘋𝘰 𝘉𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘎𝘰 by One Direction, her voice harmonizing with the band members’. We bop our heads, letting the notes invade our minds, course through our veins, lock themselves into the memories of our throats. 

I find myself wishing I had talked to my mom more over the road trip, wishing I had let her in sooner. Sitting in this car, dancing in my seat to One Direction songs straight from the corners of my childhood, I feel free. I never knew that I could feel so good after telling my secrets to my mom, but here we are. I guess it’s that she helped me with my own emotions, although they’re still a tangled mess. 

At least I know—well, I’m pretty sure of—one thing; I’m 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 I 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦, 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘺 , like TJ a little bit. In admitting the secret to myself, I feel my shoulders relax. I exhale, and I think it’s the first time I have in a while. But, 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵 , will this change my ability to function during the trip. I hope it doesn’t. I really don’t wanna fuck us up after such a good two years.

There’s this melody in my head, this “what if he feels the same?” that’s been repeating itself. I’m pretty sure it’s been stuck in my mind since before I knew how I felt. Maybe I’ve always known, maybe I’ve just been afraid to admit it. 

I picture TJ’s green eyes, the sly little smirk on his face before he says something flirty, the way his lips curl gently when he laughs. I think about the way he wrapped his arm around me during the last bonfire, and, suddenly, I’m not so sure of whether I have no chance. Am I just seeing what I wanna see? Is it real? Fuck crushes.

With an aggravated huff, I make a promise to myself. I’m gonna be bold. 

As if on cue, my phone pings. I smile down at the letters as they flash on the screen. Basketball Guy. 

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: how close r uuuuu? im so fuckin excited kHAJBWIDGI

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Hold on lemme check  
𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: I’M, LIKE, 15 MINUTES AWAY

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: hOLY FORKING SHIRTBALLS GYDIAHDOUFDVWJ

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: I KNOW I’M SO PUMPED JASGDPA

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: HOLY FUCK 14  
𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: I CANT WAIT TO SEE U 

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: I’M BOUTTA LOSE MY SHIT  
𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: 13 OH MY GODBBERIERKKHAEKU

As I let out a breathy laugh, my mom looks to me, a knowing smile painted on her lips. She gives me an expression, her eyes seeming to ask “TJ?” With a giggle of excitement, I nod at her. She shakes her head fondly, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more comfortable. Emotionally, of course. Physically, I’ve been sitting in this chair for four hours, and my ass fucking 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴 . Road trips, man. What can you do?

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: BITCH 12  
𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: WAIT BITCH E-FUCKIN-LEVEN

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: “E-FUCKIN-LEVEN” EXCUSE ME WHILE I SCREAM-

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: TEN  
𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: NOW STOP MAKING FUN OF ME U MEANIE

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: I’M SORRY I LOVE YOU

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: I LOVE U TOO I FORGIVETH

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: NINE NINE NINE NINE NINE 

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: NINE  
𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: wait u just said that

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: I JUST SAID THAT  
𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: Fuck-

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: i-

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: DOESN’T MATTER BC EIGHT

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: IM GONNA CRY WHEN U SEE U ISTG

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: I’M LIT RALLY GONNA HUG YOU SO TIGHT

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: YALL IF I DIE-  
𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: CY WE MISSED 7 + 6

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: DAMMIT

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: BUT,, dONT U WANNA SEE ME :(  
𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: me = sad

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: I- YES  
𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: BUT THE COUNTDOWN

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: BOI I-

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: I’M KIDDIN ILY  
𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: N E WAY

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: TWO

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: I’M ON YOUR FUCKIN STREET BITCH

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: hoLY SHIT IUHIGDWYGDI ONE  
𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: IMMA FUCKIN CRY

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐠: COME OUTSIDE B

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐆𝐮𝐲: BOI I RAN-

Before I get out of the car, my mom grasps my hand gently. “Be bold, my brave baby,” she whispers. 

“I love you, Mom,” I say. “Thank you.”

“Go get him,” she says, nodding in the direction of his house. I turn.

I drop my phone. My mom is taking a video on her phone when he bounds out the front door, a grin breaking onto his face when he sees me. His feet are bare as he runs down the driveway, and I’m trying to meet him in the middle, but his legs are a lot longer than mine. He’s five feet away, four feet, three, two, one, zero. Our bodies meet, and he lifts me off the ground, spinning me around as I giggle. He’s laughing, and I’m laughing, but I feel as if I might cry? Our arms and legs tangle as we fall into each other. 𝘍𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 . I pull slightly back, my arms still wrapped around his neck as his hands drop to my waist.

“Hi,” I say, out of breath as I tilt my head up so I can see his face. I can’t help but giggle at the tear that threatens to fall from his eyelashes. I move my hand gently, wiping it away with my thumb. With a low, quiet voice, he says, “I just missed you, Underdog.”

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that in person, Basketball Guy,” I reply, a blush falling to my cheeks. His are red, too. 𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘵 , I tell myself.

His finger gently grazes my hip, and my breath hitches, because he’s looking at my lips, and the way he’s staring can’t be platonic, and wow, his eyes are so much nicer in person, and I wanna kiss him—

“Hey, Cyrus! Hi, Leslie!” his dad greets from the door. I throw a smile at him, letting a sweet, “Hi, Mr. Kippen!” fall from my lips. TJ lets go of me so my mom and I can say bye, but he grabs my hand softly. 

I hug Mr. Kippen, and hug my mom goodbye, and then TJ is pulling me away, bolting from the small talk they’re about to make. It’s a good move, too. I laugh as he tugs me into his house to show me around, and I find myself thinking that maybe, just maybe, I can be bold this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HOPE YOU ENJOYED // LEAVE KUDOS AND COMMENTS OR I'LL EAT THE LEFTOVERS YOU SAVED IN THE FRIDGE


	4. III. DON'T WAKE ME, I'M DREAMING OF YOU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just Guys Being Dudes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, welcome back to another episode of Everyone Hates Ella Because She's Going To Torture You With A Slow Burn Probably

“Okay, so, this is a hallway,” TJ says, giving me this lopsided grin as he gestures to said hallway. I giggle, and he drags me along before I can respond to him. He’s got this sweet honey smile on his lips as he pulls me, as if this is all he’s been waiting for over the past two years. I can’t blame him. He points out his dad’s and Brooklyn’s room, who I’m dying to meet. We move along, and as we get to the next room, he nods his head towards the door. 

“That’s Amber’s room, if you can’t tell by the huge fucking collage her girlfriend made her.” 

“I don’t think it’s 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 obvious,” I joke, my eyes flitting over the pictures that cover the door. There’s paint, and flowers, and notes, and so many photos of the two. My heart swells. 𝘈𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 & 𝘈𝘯𝘥𝘪. I can’t wait to see them, after so long. I mean, I talk to them a lot, but, to actually see them has the corners of my mouth tugging upwards. 

My thoughts are interrupted when TJ somehow ends up behind me, playfully shoving me through an open door. The blonde lets me study the room for just a moment, study the basketball trophies, the record player on his dresser (am I surprised? hardly), the pictures on the wall—𝘰𝘩, 𝘩𝘦𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘮𝘦! 𝘐’𝘮 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭! 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵—

“Teej!” I yelp, barely able to comprehend what’s going on before he slings his arms around my waist and tackles me onto his bed in a hug. As I catch my breath, I let myself focus on the way I can feel him laughing against me, can feel his eyelashes flutter against my neck. And, 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬, is that a beautiful feeling. 

TJ cuddles into me, resting his chin on my chest so he can look at me. I look down and 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘰𝘩𝘮𝘺𝘨𝘰𝘥— I’m fine. I’m good. I’m great, I’m legit, I’m cool, I’m gonna shut up now. This is fine. He’s straight-boy-kippen. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦. 

Well, it’s fine until his breath tickles my lips, at which point it takes everything in my soul not to literally combust, or kiss him, or, I don’t know, die? I really hope he can’t hear my heart 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 fucking palpitating right now. Either he doesn’t notice, or he just ignores it when he looks into my eyes, and whispers, “Hi.”

“Hey, Basketball Guy,” I say softly back, letting my hand crawl up his back and ruffle his hair gently. TJ sinks into the feeling, a peaceful smile falling onto his lips. God, he looks so cute. 

“I missed you.” My mind speeds up with my heart, and I almost say, 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘐’𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳. What I do say is, “I missed you too, T.” And I swear to every god I’ve ever heard of, he looks at my lips. I swear. No, I’m not fucking with you. Okay, well, I could be. I don’t even know. Whatever. It doesn’t even matter, because suddenly, he’s up and breathing fast, and he’s grabbing my hand, pulling me downstairs to see his family, and I’m questioning if I could just be imagining things. That’s probably it. 

He runs into the living room, dragging me close behind him, and I see AMBER. When her eyes meet mine, she seems to catapult across the room, tackling me in what’s probably the best hug I’ve ever been a part of. I let my arms snake around her neck instinctively as she lifts me up by my waist, and she’s hugging me so tight that my lungs are probably being crushed, but it’s okay because she’s here. I’m here. She’s Bambi from camp, my Gay Best Friend™, my Lesbian Lover, my Wife Who Likes Women. After two fucking years, she’s right here. 

“Homo! You’re here! Holy shit!” she yells into my neck.

“Language, Ambs,” her dad warns from the couch, clearly trying to hide the amused smile that threatens to spill onto his lips.

“Yeah, yeah,” Amber responds, still holding me off the ground. She squeezes my waist tighter, and 𝘰𝘩, 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘎𝘰𝘥, 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦.

“Amber,” I whisper, my voice literally fading into my lungs. She giggles, setting me down.

“Sorry, Cy,” she says, clearly not sorry at all. I muster up a glare, unable to maintain it as she looks at me. “I missed you, dude.”

“I missed you too, Lesbiamber!” 

“I missed you more, Gayrus!”

“Impossible,” I pause, trying to think of another name. “Lesbian!” Good enough.

“That’s gay.”

“You’re gay.”

“No, you.”

“No, you—”

“Okay, you’re both gay, now lemme have my best friend back!” TJ says, and us gays stop in our tracks. We have jokingly deadly looks on our faces, trying not to laugh as we stare the blonde down. 

“What did you say, straight?” I ask, as Amber says, “Sorry, couldn’t hear you over your heterosexuality.” 

“Am I about to be attacked?” He’s backing away now, and I’m loving every second. His sister and I turn to each other, nodding. Before TJ can say “gays”, we’re chasing him through the house, our laughter making its way out of my memory and into the air. Amber and I part ways, planning to ambush him.

“Mercy, mercy, oh my god,” he pleads through labored breaths, his words trying to keep up with his feet. He turns a corner, and suddenly, I’m lost in his house, out of breath. I walk down a hall, turning my head fiercely every so often in preparation for a reverse ambush. 

Of course, the moment I give up, the moment I walk into a dark room, he finds me. The door closes, and I squeal as familiar arms wrap around my waist. “Fuck!” I yelp, rolling my eyes at TJ’s laughter when he pulls me against him. 

“Hi, Underdog,” he whispers, and I can feel his boyish grin brushing the shell of my ear. “Did I scare you?” 𝘖𝘩 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵, I think. 𝘐’𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘌𝘹𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵, 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘦, 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐’𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵.

“Nope,” I lie, grabbing his hand. 

“You sure? You seem a little…” He pauses, moving his fingers to mimic a spider crawling up my shoulder. I resist the urge to squirm. “Tense.” 

“And you seem like you’re trying to seduce me.” TJ coughs, putting space between our bodies.

“Good God, Cy,” he says through laughter. 

“What? Honesty is the best policy, het.” The Jock turns on the light to what’s apparently the workout room, reaching over to ruffle my hair. He chuckles, but the sound seems almost forced. 𝘕𝘰. 𝘕𝘰, 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘩, 𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵. 𝘚𝘩𝘶𝘵 𝘶𝘱, 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯.

“Actually, Cy, I have to tell you something.” 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬. 𝘖𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘎𝘰𝘥. 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘣𝘦 𝘨𝘢𝘺. 𝘐 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯… 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘩, 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘣𝘦 𝘨𝘢𝘺.

“I’m…” He holds his breath. “I’m g—”

“Hey, idiots, we’re going to the grocery store,” we hear as the door swings open. Amber stands in the doorway, TJ’s younger sister by her side. 

“Yeah, idiots!” Brooklyn says, hands on her hips. I sigh.

“Okay, give us a sec,” I respond, turning back to TJ as the girls walk to the garage door. “What did you wanna say, Basketball Guy?”

He intertwines our fingers. “Just, I’m…glad you’re here, man.” 

𝘖𝘩. 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯. 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶. I feel like I could cry. Instead, I just plaster an artificial smile on my face, and I say:

“I’m glad I’m here, too.” 

&&&&&

“Let the games begin!” Amber yells as we run toward the doors of the grocery store. TJ has Brooklyn on his back, giggling as he runs with her. The wind sprints past my face, swiping its hands through my brown hair as I race my friends into the store.

I turn my head, glancing at mine and TJ’s interlaced hands, and then at his face. He’s smiling freely in the late afternoon sun, his eyes shining as they say hello to the lights of the grocery store. Immediately, he shimmies a squealing Brooklyn from his back, and drags me off to the ice cream section. I grab two cartons of our favorite, the Snickers-and-M&M’s, as he finds the caramel and chocolate syrup. We raid the snack aisle, picking as many boxes of cookies and crackers and whatever-the-fuck as we can manage. 

I go for the oreo section, grunting in frustration as I realize that I can’t reach the double-stuffed ones. Suddenly, TJ’s behind me, his chuckle silently saying “need a little help with that?” and I can’t help but roll my eyes. The blonde reaches his giraffe-arm over me, grasping my snack of choice. I turn around, feigning annoyance as he looks down at me. There’s a little smirk playing on his lips, and I try to hold back my dazed sigh as he stares into me. 

I close my eyes for a moment, and when I let them flutter open again, I 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳 TJ is closer than before. I swear. He ducks his head just barely, his cheeks dusted pink. The smirk is still painted on his mouth, and he’s rooting his dewey green eyes into my soul, and we’re so, so close. I can feel his breath falling onto the edge of my nose, can count his freckles, his eyelashes, the flecks of gold in his irises. 

The blonde’s eyes start to drop, the butterflies in my stomach joining them, falling dead. He shifts to look into my eyes for a second, and I nod, almost imperceptible. He seems to notice, if the slow closing of his eyes, the lowering of his head, has anything to do with it. I close my own, only his lips in my view, and oh my 𝘎𝘰𝘥, our noses are brushing against each other, the golden strands of his hair tickling my forehead. 

He’s a dream.

I can almost feel his kiss when Brooklyn comes barreling into the aisle, driving TJ to leap back as if he’s been burned. He’s holding his breath, looking everywhere but at me, and my heart drops like his eyes did to my lips, like my butterflies did in response. I feel as if I’ve woken up. I just wanna go back to sleep.

“Amber says to get your asses to the check-out area!” she reports, and TJ seems to realize that his little sister is there in that moment, if the smile he plasters on his face is anything to go buy. 

“Brooks!” he scolds, reaching over to tickle her in retaliation to her swearing. “You’re eight, for God’s sakes!” She squeals, grabbing my hand when she escapes his grasp. 

“Run, Cyrus!” she giggles, but I’m unable to hold back a look of hurt as I think, 𝘛𝘑’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘮𝘦, 𝘪𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. 

&&&&&

There’s a tensity in the air as the four of us walk toward the car, TJ and I on the opposite sides of the group. He’s walking next to Brooklyn, watching her animately tell a story, a smile on his lips that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. I can’t keep myself from sneaking glances at the blonde as Amber fills me in on all the details of her relationship with Andi. 

I look over to TJ for a moment, and I find his eyes already on me. He shakes his head a little in an attempt to pry his eyes away from mine, pulling himself back into conversation with Brooklyn. 𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵. As we reach the car, I go for the passenger seat, unsure of whether or not I want him to get into the driver’s. He does. 

For a moment, were silent, as if we’re waiting for something that we’re both too afraid to say. I let my gaze turn to the windshield, trying hard to keep my attention on the car parked across from us. I can feel the way his unwavering stare trails from my eyes, to my nose, to my lips, and I try to ignore the way my heart skips one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight beats. 

I’m so intently focusing on my focusing, that it takes me several seconds to recognize the sound of 𝘐 𝘞𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘎𝘦𝘵 𝘉𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 by 𝘉𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴. I look over to TJ, unable to suppress the grin that pushes its way onto my face when he starts singing along. We pull out of the parking lot yelling the lyrics together, and the pressure of the air between TJ and I starts to fade away. 

𝘐’𝘭𝘭 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘨𝘰, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦.

&&&&&

I collapse against the arm of the couch, pulling TJ down with me into our sea of blankets and pillows. His shoulder presses against mine as I fumble for the remote, smiling when a giggle pries itself from his lips.

“What?” I ask, trying to fight off a blush as I continue to search for the remote.

“Nothing. Just…you.” 

I gasp dramatically, raising a hand to my chest. “Me? You’re laughing at me?” 

“Yeah,” he says casually, lifting up a black control. “It’s right here, ya blind bat.” He laughs as my mouth drops open, catching my hand as I attempt to slap him.

“Shut up,” I respond playfully. 

“As you wish, my Queen,” TJ says. He turns back to the TV, dropping my hand so that he can wrap an arm around my waist. We search Netflix for a movie, and, after about thirty minutes of browsing, choose 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘎𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵. 

About ten minutes into the movie, the blonde burrows his head in my shoulder, sniffling. To be fair, I’m trying not to cry, too, but I giggle as he wipes his eyes on my hoodie. He’s adorable. Ignoring my urge to hug him for the rest of his life, I turn to him, a teasing smile on my lips.

“Are you crying?”

“No,” he says, dragging his words. “Stop teasing me. It’s sad.” He raises his head, looking at me. 𝘠𝘦𝘱. 𝘠𝘦𝘢𝘩, 𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘤𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥. The light from the TV falls against his face, and he looks 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 kissable, like, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦, and 𝘐’𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸. I want so badly to let my boldness erupt from me, to grab his stupid face and press his stupid lips against mine, to let my fingers rest on his neck as our lips move together. Before I can work up the courage, he turns away abruptly, eyes on the movie. 𝘋𝘢𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘵. 

&&&&&

We’re almost done with the movie when TJ lets his head fall to my chest, his hand resting next to it. Our legs tangle together, his socks tickling my calves as I try not to go into cardiac arrest. 𝘖𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘎𝘰𝘥, 𝘰𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘎𝘰𝘥, 𝘰𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵. I draw in a breath. After taking a moment to collect myself, I speak up. 

“You tired, Teej?” He nods against my chest, and I will my heart rate to stay even. 

“Yeah,” TJ replies, voice small. “Sleep?” 

“Yeah, T. We can go to sleep.” I let my fingers comb through the blonde strands of his hair, and he sinks into the touch. 

“Okay,” he whispers. “I missed you.” 𝘈𝘯𝘥, fuck, 𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥. 

“I missed you, too,” I say, reaching to turn off the TV. 

“Goodnight, Cy.”

“Goodnight, T.” Almost immediately, I begin to drift off. 

Of course, TJ is in my dreams, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cyrus and amber = solidarity hours also this chapter is shit but here take it
> 
> Leave A Comment Down Below, Don't Forget To Like And Subscribe For More Episodes Of "Ella Watches Too Much Danny Gonzalez And Also Writes New Chapters Sometimes"


	5. IV. TELL ME ANYTHING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ learns that it's okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TJ spills the Tea J
> 
> this chapter is exactly 3000 words long wow thats amazing love it

Unsurprisingly, I wake up first, wincing when the morning light hits my tired eyes. I cuddle into TJ’s warmth, the sleeping boy’s arms wrapped firmly around my torso. I shiver as his breath hits my spine, his nose gently grazing the short hairs at the back of my neck. After rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I twist in TJ’s grasp and reach for the table to grab my phone. As I sink back into the couch, the blonde subconsciously pulls me towards him. I smile, my cheeks dusting light pink at the embrace. 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵, this boy is soft. 

Instinctively, my thumb searches my phone, pressing the Spotify app. I put in my Airpods, smiling as ‘18’ plays into my ears. My mouth moves with the words of the song, my mind wandering to—you guessed it—TJ 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯’ Kippen. ‘Cause, you know what? I’m gonna say it—I don’t care that you broke your elbow. Just kidding, just kidding. That was too much build-up for a vine reference. Although, that would be funny. 

In all seriousness, as the song goes on, I can’t help but think that I know the feelings that go with it. I know the feeling of being in love with someone for a long time, of wanting to be someone’s forever. And, I think we all know who I’m talking about. 

Jonah. 

NO, NO, I’m kidding. You shoulda’ seen your face there, bro. I was talking about TJ. 

𝘑𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘴 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵. 𝘐’𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘛𝘑. Welp. There’s no going back now. I can no longer tell myself that it’s just a crush. It’s cool, though. I’m cool. I’m gonna shut the fuck up now. 

Behind me, TJ stirs. I’m nervous for a moment, but then he presses his face into the back of my neck, hugging me tighter with what I can tell is a smile adorning his face. I revel in the sweet sensation of my heartbeat slowing, becoming a quiet buzz. I didn’t know it was possible for someone to simultaneously make me overwhelmingly nervous, and fill me with this serene sense of calm.

I guess it’s possible. 

“Morning, T.”

“Mornin’,” he mumbles, his sleepy voice sending my mind soaring. The blonde hums quietly as his fingers twist and untwist the hem of my worn-out t-shirt, burying his wakefulness into my neck. I bite my lip just barely, trying to keep a giddy smile off my face. As I yawn pushes itself from TJ’s mouth, a matching one falling from mine, the basketball player grasps my sides, turning me around to face him.

I remove one of my headphones, dropping my phone onto the limited space between us and moving my arm to serve as a headrest. My free hand slides up from its resting place next to my phone, splaying across TJ’s chest. When palm presses against his heart, I swear I feel it speed up. Mine mimics it as I look up at TJ, my mouth going dry when I find eyes already on me, nose and cheeks shaded almost as pink as his lips. 

His pupils flit to my hand on his chest, his gaze intent as if he’s studying all the nerve-endings between us, as if he’s suddenly hyper-aware of every single one. When his eyes flicker back to mine, his heartbeat speeds and then calms, and the red of his cheeks leave his eyes resembling emeralds. 

“‘M sorry I fell asleep on you,” he murmurs, the words shy. He seems… nervous? That can’t be it. There’s no way I make him nervous. 

“It’s totally okay, Teej.” He looks at me for a moment, like he’s trying to piece something together. All my wishes to know what the puzzle is dissipate in my brain when he grins, moving his ear towards mine. 

“What’re ya listenin’ to?” Oh, shit. Oh, 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵. This is gonna be so embarrassing. Who the fuck listens to One Direction anymore? Oh, no. 

“It’s nothing,” I lie, moving to pause the music in hopes that he’ll let it go. My face grows red when he grabs my Airpod from the case, placing it his ear and chuckling in disbelief as he hears the song. 

“One Direction,” he observes. It sounds less like judgement, more like a statement. I’m still unsure.

“Embarrassing, I know. It’s okay if you think it’s weird—” 

I’m quieted by the feeling of his hand resting on my arm, grazing my skin as it moves to my shoulder. TJ lets his fingers inch just barely under the sleeve of my t-shirt, his calloused them gently stroking the skin of my shoulder. “I don’t, Cy. I promise.”

I’m not sure if he means the words to seem like they’re about more than just One Direction, but they do. They feel like they’re about a lot more. I’m pretty sure I want them to be. His next words float in a whisper, sound like a song. 

“I think it’s cute.” The freckles on his cheekbones are decorated by a warm, pink mist as he says it, a flustered smile lining his lips, and he looks sweeter than a summer breeze. And, of fucking 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦, that’s when the lyrics of 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘔𝘺 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘥 start to hit me, hit him, hit us. 

𝘕𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦

𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴, 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦?

𝘈𝘴 𝘐’𝘮 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳

𝘐’𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦

Great timing, 1D. You really had to go off, didn’t you. It’s as if the words catch us, as if they remind us that we’re… not. We’re not a thing, we’re not crushing on each other (haha, sure), we’re not supposed to. We’re friends. 

And, as TJ clears his throat, looks away, mutters something about going to get breakfast from the kitchen, and I put away my Airpods and go grab my clothes for the day, I’m really not sure. 

Maybe friendship will have to be good enough right now. 

&&&&&

𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: Guys we bouta cryrus 

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: whats goin on buddy?

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲: did tj bite when yall were making out or smth

𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: BUFFY

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: BUFFY

𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐡: Wait, TJ’s gay?

𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: No

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲: ye

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: gaydar says ya

𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐫: Babe… 

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲: bAaBe

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: ya babe?

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲: not u dipshit

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: WALKER STOLE MY GF?! **NOT CLICKBAIT**

𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐡: Walker, I thought we were in love??

𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐫: Of course we are, Baby

𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: ,,,,  
𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: ANYWAYS

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: what  
𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: wHAT

𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: I think TJ and I

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: wuH HAT

𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: ,,,,,almost kissed????? Like, three times????? And he called me cute??

𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐫: Whoa

𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐡: That’s awesome, Cy!

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: YOOOOOOOOOOOO

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲: whY DIDN’T U

𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: We kept getting interrupted or something would happen that would remind us of where we were  
𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: He’s been hella cagey about my straight jokes too, but it’s super obvious that he’s not homophobic so uhh,,,, help idk

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲: this mothafucka needs some alcohol

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: buff youve had like one sip of alcohol in your entire life 

𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐫: YOU’VE HAD A SIP OF ALCOHOL? OFF WITH YOUR HEAD

𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐡: Honey, ground our daughter please

𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐫: No more making out with Martin, sweetie. Boom, grounded

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: y do you hav to punish martin  
𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: martin didnt do anything

𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: Y’ALL SO OFF TOPIC  
𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: HELP

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲: FUCKIN TELL HIM OML

𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: I CAN’T DO THAT

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: y nah, cutie?

𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: BECAUSE THEN HE’LL KNOW

𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐡: Wait  
𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐡: I thought that was the point??

𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐫: Oh, babe  
Talker: Sweet, oblivious babe

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲: why r there queers on my tl

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: buff were literally all queer

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲: and whats ur point lmao

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: u right carry on

𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: I Hate Gay People So Much  
𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: That’s Why I’m Hanging Out With A Het Row Sock Shoe El

𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐡: I thought you were hanging out with TJ

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲: JONAH LMAO

𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐫: I YELLED

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: JONAH I LOVE YOU

𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐫: Bak of bech hez meye boi fren

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲: sry i only speak tik tok

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲: get the fuck out

𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐡: Not in my Good Christian Minecraft Server

𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: SHIT GUYS I GTG  
𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: PRAY FOR ME

𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐡: Dear God, please-

&&&&&

“Cy? You alright in there?” I can hear the worry in TJ’s voice seeping through the bathroom door. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay.” I try not to let the anxiety sound in my voice. “Almost ready.” I gather my things from the floor, adjusting the Wallows t-shirt that falls over the hem of my sweatpants. I look in the mirror, checking to make sure my hair is okay before I let the door click open. TJ’s waiting in his room when I get there, legs under the covers. He pats the space beside him, and I decide to pretend nothing has happened between us. 

He has a box of lucky charms on his lap, and our favorite Snickers and M&M ice cream, as if he knew I would be too lazy to go get breakfast. For some reason, it makes my heart leap. 

“Are you okay if we just have a movie day?” he asks, voice soft. “I’m tired, and my head hurts, and I know you’ve been in a car a lot over the past few days. We can totally do something if you want to, though—”

“No, no, no!” I interrupt, smiling when a relieved expression paints itself onto TJ’s lips. “I’d love a lazy day.” 𝘐’𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘢𝘻𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮. 𝘐’𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

I jump under the covers, giggling as he wraps an arm around me, plays with my hair as I cuddle into his side. I roll my eyes playfully when my phone buzzes. Quickly, my thumbs type out a response.

𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐲: send a pic of yallllll

𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐫𝐮𝐬: K gimme a sec

“Teej?” I feel TJ shift a little, turning his cheek so his eyes are on mine. 

“Yeah?” He gives me a small smile, and I almost forgot what I’m saying. I shake myself out of my trance, my voice trembling slightly.

“Can we take a selfie? My friends want a pic of us.”

“Yeah, yeah. Sure,” he says, nodding. Gently, the boy pulls me in, our foreheads touching before he presses our cheeks together. I can feel the curve of his smile against the side of my face, his breath grazing the corner of my lips. It’s… a lot.

TJ smiles widely as my phone clicks, taking the photo. I press on it, a flustered smile on my face that almost matches the one on the screen. Picture TJ is beaming, pressing against me as if he can’t get close enough. Real TJ looks at the screen, and says, “It’s cute. But, can we take another one? I think I’m blinking.”

“Yeah, sure.” Anything to get that close again.

This time, as I hold the camera out, he’s facing me, eyes closed. I smile at the camera, trusting what he’s doing. When the countdown gets to two seconds, TJ moves forward, pressing his lips to my cheek in a soft, but firm kiss. My heart soars, my face turning beet red. I can’t hold back the grin that tugs on my lips, the way my eyes sparkle at the contact. TJ holds the position for a moment, and I can feel a smile working its way onto his mouth as he pulls away. 

He takes the phone from my grasp, pulling up the photo and smiling down at it. As I study us, I decide that I’m screwed. I 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 like this guy. Also, that’s so gonna be my new lockscreen. Apparently, he’s thinking the same thing (about lockscreens, not the other thing), because he asks me to send him the photo. 

After setting my lockscreen with the first picture, my homescreen with the second—I wanna save the second picture for myself—I go to my texts. I send the group chat the original picture, placing my phone so the screen is facing the mattress as to avoid the responses of my friends. TJ and I return to our cuddled position, and I let out a content sigh at his touch.

Since I’m the one with both of my hands free, I grab his laptop and click Netflix. “New Girl?” he suggests, like he’s read my mind.

“You know it.” 

“I do. I do know it.” I ignore the voice in my head that wonders what it would feel like to hear him say 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 in another context, ignore the bells ringing in my imagination as I scroll through the episodes. 

Instead of listening to the constant back-and-forth in my head, I focus on TJ’s laughter, on TJ’s body pressed to mine, on TJ’s fingers carding themselves through my hair. Usually, I would be annoyed with someone messing up my hair after I’ve gelled it. With TJ, it’s different. It’s almost as if I enjoy it, as if I welcome the sensation of his fingertips along my scalp, undoing the ‘do. 

The sound of blonde cracking up interrupts my thoughts, and I sink into the sound as much as possible. I feel his shoulders shaking as he chuckles, and in that moment, as he leans on me, I decide that the joyful rumble of his laughter is better than any One Direction song. My mind hums as I remember some of the lines from 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘔𝘺 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘥. 

𝘓𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩

𝘞𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘴

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦’𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘤 𝘰𝘯

𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨

&&&&&

The day passes by in a flurry of bad jokes and endless laughter. Soon enough, it’s eight o’clock at night, and TJ and I are cuddled up in his bed. As another episode of New Girl falls to a close, I feel a shift in the blonde’s demeanor. He seems nervous, closed off. 

Softly, I let my hand find his resting in my hair, tangling our fingers together and pulling them down to rest on my stomach. He looks at me briefly, shifting his glance away almost immediately. I speak up, voice gentle and open as it drips into the warm air of the room.

“Teej, you know you can tell me anything, right?” TJ’s eyes fall toward me, his sight holding me as if I won’t always be there for him. I want to.

“How did you… know I was hiding something?” I squeeze his hand.

“You’re my best friend. I pay attention to you,” I say simply, and yet the words seem to hold so much more power to him. 

TJ nods, sniffling quietly. The sound breaks my heart a little, cracks a tiny shard of glass from the edges. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right,” he says, eyes shiny. “I can never lie to you.” Slowly, I move my thumb to his cheek, wiping a tear, brushing his freckles. I try to memorize the dots.

“You never have to keep anything inside,” I say, hoping to calm the nerves that pour from deep within his voice. “But, if you’re not ready, you don’t have to tell me anything. I hope you don’t feel pressured to.” I cup his cheek, trying to ignore the jolt of electricity when he presses his lips to my palm. 

“I want to. Can I, um, can I have a hug first, though?” I can hear the fear in TJ’s words, feel him withdraw as if he’s preparing for rejection. Instinctively, I wrap my arms around his neck, comb my fingers through his hair as he buries his face, buries his tears, into my shoulder. 

I hold TJ as he lets his hurt out into my embrace, as his mask begins to chip away. He’s clinging to me, his fists balled into the fabric at the back of my shirt as if he’s afraid that I’m going to slip away. I would never. I could never. “Just tell me when you’re ready. And, it’s okay if you aren’t at all.”

After a while, his sobs turn into hiccups, his breath shaken apart by the sounds. He grips my back, hugging me tightly one more time before he speaks into my neck. “Cyrus?”

I respond gently, as if to tell him that he can talk to me, but he doesn’t have to. “Yeah?”

“I’m…I’m gay.” And, 𝘰𝘩. My entire reality fades back in at once. He’s gay. He’s gay. 𝘏𝘦’𝘴 𝘨𝘢𝘺. Holy 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 shit. I pull myself away from him, reaching to cup his face. I press our foreheads together, my mind racing against TJ’s. He’s 𝘨𝘢𝘺. He likes 𝘣𝘰𝘺𝘴. 

“I’m so fucking proud of you,” I gush, smiling even though I know we’re probably too close for him to see it. I feel his breath on my lips as he lets out a relieved exhale. 

“I’ve never said that out loud before,” TJ says quietly, thinking for a moment. “I’ve been arguing with myself since the summer I turned fifteen.” 𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭. 𝘋𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘳. 

“Thank you for trusting me, Teej,” I whisper, running my hand along his scalp. 

“I’ve always trusted you, Underdog.” We sit in silence for a moment, wrapped in relief.

“Oh, and, T?”

“Yeah, Cy?” 

“Welcome to the club,” I say, I childish grin on my face. I feel his eyelashes flutter against my neck as he rolls his eyes.

“Glad to be a part of it,” he jokes back, running his hand along my spine before pulling me down to the bed with him. We remain in our hug for a few moments, and then he opens his laptop once again. Before he hits a new episode, he pulls me in so his lips are brushing the shell of my ear.

“Thank you,” TJ says softly, his breath tickling me.

“For what?” I ask, wondering what he could possibly be referring to.

“Just… you. Everything. Coming into my life.” The blonde presses his lips to the side of my head, and I’m really glad he can’t see the blush creeping onto my cheeks. I squeeze his hand lovingly. 

“Thank you for letting me,” I respond. 

“Best decision I ever made,” he mumbles. 𝘠𝘦𝘱. 𝘐’𝘮 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘸𝘦𝘥. 𝘐’𝘮 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘸𝘦𝘥.

TJ Kippen: the best decision I’ve ever made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PUT ALL THE KUDOS AND COMMENTS IN THE FUCKIN BAG
> 
> i love you all thank u for reading
> 
> but seriously look at the ratio of kudos to other stuff on this pls help me im shamelessly begging

**Author's Note:**

> ILL BE BACK NEXT WEEK SORRY THIS IS BAD THE PROLOGUE IS SHORT IK


End file.
